I honestly feel like I could have written the first of today’s worship songs, Holding Nothing Back by Ryan Stevenson. It’s like he took a page out of my very own book or took my thoughts right out of my head.
For a few years I have been dealing with something. It’s a problem that takes a back burner every now and again, but doesn’t really seem to go away. I’m not going to go into details. I made a promise to God long ago that I would not use this blog to vent and I’m going to hold to that promise, but at the same time, I cannot “get real” if I’m not honest.
I’m hurting right now. I have been hurting for quite some time. The words of this song have been my lifeline (even before it was out on the radio). Giving it all to Jesus, holding nothing back, I have been living that, but I’m starting to struggle with it. I’m having to fight real hard against the lies of Satan and hold on to the fact that God will indeed use this for my good; that he indeed has a plan to prosper and not harm me.
Yikes! I know it is not good to admit this. I know without a doubt it will be used against me. But this is where I am. I haven’t given up, I’m just having to fight harder right now. Prayers are appreciated.
Behind this curtain there is a heart that’s hurting .It’s been taking a beating . It’s starting to fall apart .And I feel like such an easy targets .Dodging bullets , I’m exhausted .How can every moment be this hard ? ……….
I’ve got a list that goes on and on .It’s overflowing with memories of everything that I’ve been doing wrong And I’ll be the first to say , I’ve chased after so many foolish things Looking for a way to kill the pain
I really like or appreciate the honesty behind this song. The writer is not afraid to share his hurts, his frustration, his inadequacies. We all have problems. Why pretend we don’t?
But, here’s why I love this song:
He doesn’t focus on the problems, he offers a solution.
I’m holding nothing back from you . Does not really matter what I lose. Got a heart that’s open . I’m broken and I want you to know .
Jesus , I do not want anything coming in between you and me. .Jesus , it does not matter what I have to go through . I’m holding nothing back , nothing back from you .
Like I said before, this “total surrender” is what got me through these last few years. Surrendering and focusing on God has been my lifeline. But, today………it hurts so much……..all I can do is cry out!
Which brings me to Just Say Jesus by 7eventh Time Down.
Life gets tough and times get hard
And it’s hard to find the truth in all the lies
If you’re tired of wondering why you’re heart isn’t healing
And nothing feels like home cause you’re lost and alone
Just screaming at the sky
When you don’t know what to say
Just say Jesus
There is power in the name
The name of Jesus
If the words won’t come cause you’re too afraid to pray
Just say Jesus
Whisper it now, or shout it out
However it comes out, He hears your cry
Out of nowhere He will come
You gotta believe it
He will rescue you
Just call out to the way, the truth, the life
I may not have the strength to fight, but I do have the strength to call out “Jesus,” and I’m trusting He will give me what I need to face what is to come.
I don’t know where you all are at today. You may be all honky-dory and cannot even relate to what I am saying. You may be thinking “how dare she doubt God!” and waiting to let me have it. Okay, I understand. But you may be like me, barely standing, and if you are, I hope this gives you encouragement to call out “Jesus!” And this is why I write. If it helps just one, than it’s worth any negative feedback I get.
Psalm 18:6 (NKJ): In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears.