Some of you have been waiting for this post since the beginning of the study. I have received many messages regarding this issue and today we will finally get to discuss the roles of men in marriage.
I thought and prayed for a long time before I ever decided to address this issue. I was hesitant because I do not feel called to lead men to become better husbands but rather lead women to become better wives. I quickly learned that my teaching on just one side of things was a stumbling block to some, yet I continued on my set path because I thought it important that we keep our eyes on God and ourselves seeing as what we are called to do and be is not based on our husbands’ actions or lack thereof. That being said, I do not believe we can get a full understanding of God’s design for marriage if we do not look at both sides, at least briefly.
I used to think it was hard being a woman. I used to think God’s design for marriage was unfair and just not right. I let society determine my perspective on this issue rather than God’s word. After really looking into the biblical roles of men in marriage, I realized that men don’t have it as easy assome would lead us to believe.
[Now, some of these scriptures we will be familiar with, but remember that we are looking from the husband’s point of view this time.]
Scripture makes it clear that our husbands are to be the head of our households. Once again, I honestly believe this is the key to having a successful marriage. If we want a Godly marriage then we have to design our marriage according to the scriptures.
1 Corinthians 11:3 (NLT): 3 But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
Genesis 3:16 (NIV): “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
God has put men as the head of households and while that may seem to come with a lot of power, it also comes with a lot of responsibilities and consequences.
1 Timothy 5:8 (NIV): 8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (If they fail to step up and fulfill their roles, there will be dire consequences)
Ephesians 6:4 (NIV): Fathers,[a] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Father’s need to discipline and take part in raising their children)
1 Peter 3:7 (NIV): Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (Husbands are to respect their wives as equals)
The big one: the granddaddy of them all:
Ephesians 5:21-33 (NLT): 21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”[c] 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
For me, this is the key for both sides. Men are to love their wives as Christ loves his church. Now, a lot of women just skim over this because they want to get all defensive of the submit part, but I want you to take some time right now to just really think about what this verse means. To understand how men are supposed to love we must remember how Jesus loves. Jesus loves unconditionally. Men are to love their wives unconditionally. Jesus died for his children, his church. Men are to die for their wives. This could be taken literally and men are supposed to be willing to die in place of their wives, or you can take it a step further and say that sometimes even their wants and needs must die or their wives wants or needs must come before their own. After all, Jesus was the most willing and unselfish servant that has ever walked this earth. I don’t know about you, but I think it would be easy to submit to something like this, huh? Yep, God’s design is perfect, us darn humans keep messing it up!
[Now, I will point out that while Jesus loves his church, there are times when he must discipline, correct, and guide it. Husbands have to do the same and wives must accept and respect them for it.]
If there are any men reading this, what I hope you take with you is that while your Godly position holds some power, there are responsibilities that come along with it. Don’t just claim your title without fulfilling your obligations.
Ladies, I know some of you are screaming, “But my husband will not lead,” or “my husband does not believe.” This is a hard position. I don’t have the answer. All I know is that we are only responsible for our own actions.
1 Peter 3:3(NIV): Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
I hope that puts some of your minds at rest, but I am sure I will be hearing from some of you later.
Tomorrow, I would like to share “Missy’s Ten Commandments for Biblical Wives.” Stay tuned….