31 Days to Becoming a Better Wife: Day 22: How to Show Respect for My Husband

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Every man feels respected in different ways. It is important to discuss with your husband what he needs the most from you. Below is a list of ways you can show respect and love for your husband. Now, the list could be endless and will vary from man to man. I got some (a lot) of my ideas from “100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband” . Please visit http://marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-husband-his-way/ to see the complete list.

I highly recommend you show one or both of the lists to your husband to see what speaks to him.

Respect

Purposely try to understand his feelings and decisions-especially if you disagree with them. Respectful communication (talk without criticizing or passing judgment) is the key to conquering this giant.

Compliment him daily;

Tell him you love and like him;

Support his decisions right or wrong and never say I told you so, roll your eyes, or mutter under your breath if his decision does not have positive results;

If your husband comes to you to discuss a situation, give him your advice, allow him time to reflect on your suggestions, and don’t hold it against him if he does not go with your suggestions;

Don’t take everything he says personally, allow him to be angry at times and allow him to vent his frustrations without you piping in your advice;

Give special and extra encouragement in his weak areas;

Make extra efforts to talk positively in front of your children and others;

Understand that your husband has his own feelings and opinions and they are not less important than yours;

Make a conscious effort to focus on what your husband does right (compliment him often) and try not to speak negatively towards him or in a demeaning manner. Now, as Christians, we are called to hold each other accountable, so there may be times you need to help your husband see some things; however, you can do this in a respectful manner without tearing him down.

Stand up for your husband and do not let others disrespect him-that includes our own children, family members, and friends;

Listen (really listen) when he talks and look him in the eyes;

Brag about him to others;

Don’t be kinder and more respectful of your friends and strangers than you are to him;

Stop trying to manipulate your husband by withholding sex, giving the silent treatment, etc.

Other Ways to let him know you love him:

Let him know he is important to you-put him first (before the kids, before their activities, before your activities, etc); spend time doing things he likes to do or watching what he likes to watch;

Allow him some “guy” time where he can spend time with other men doing men stuff. This not only shows that you care about him and want him to be happy but also that you trust him;

Don’t sweat this small stuff-we all have annoying habits so let’s give a little grace and not feel the need to correct every little thing;

Allow him to pursue hobbies of his interest. You can either join him or make time for him to do it on his own. Be careful not to let resentment build up because you believe that he would pick his hobby over you. After all, it is good for us all to have our own interests. If you find yourself being resentful, determine the reason behind it. Are you missing him or do you want your own time to pursue your own interests? If you are truly missing him, make more time in your schedule to spend time together without taking away his “hobby” time. Now, husbands need to be respectful with this time and not take more than a fair amount of time. If you would like some of your own time, speak to your husband about this without complaining and whining and come up with a workable solution.

Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home-find ways to ways to laugh even in difficult times and situations.

Make sure to implement date nights and do not discuss problems on these dates. Now, the number of date nights can vary from family to family, but I encourage us all to have at the very least bi-monthly “date nights” in which you go out of the house. For the weeks you cannot get out of the house due to kids or finances, pick a night just to spend together. There are all kinds of things you can do for free , you just have to get creative.

Don’t put all the romance on your husband. Women can implement romance too. Take some initiative.

Do nice things for him-rub his back and feet, pack his lunch, etc.

Learn his likes and dislikes-make his favorite dishes, buy his favorite snacks, rent his favorite movie, etc.

Enjoy him sexually-make special efforts to serve him in this area. Do not make it seem like a chore, rather show how much you enjoy it and look forward to the next time. If you struggle in this area, do little things to help motivate you-get your hair and nails done, take long bubble bath to prepare yourself (shave, lotion, etc), buy special lotions and perfumes, whatever works to make you feel beautiful for your husband.

Get to know him sexually-make sure you know his likes and dislikes. If he is a lingerie man, stock up. If he like you to do the seducing, then seduce away. Now, if you husband is asking something of you that you are not comfortable with or is crossing the line into sin, you need to have a respectful conversation;

Pray with him daily and pray for him multiple times a day;

Occasionally just be with him without talking;

If your husband is angry or upset, give him room and do not overcrowd him;

Don’t expect credit for everything you do for him and your family-remember you are doing it for God and God sees you;

If he has a day off, let him have a day off and don’t always expect him to be “working” at home;

Get to the point in discussions and stories-spare him all the unnecessary details;

Don’t expect him to read your mind-tell him what you want;

And of course there is what we talked about yesterday:

Allow him to lead;

Show appreciation for everything he provides;

Embrace his strength and allow him to do things for you-let him know he is needed;

Never tear him down in front of others and do not air your dirty laundry (be careful not to create a facade or a mask-be real with others without being disrespectful to your husband);

Make your home a haven-keep it clean and voice your appreciation so that he will want to come home.

Respect yourself-don’t constantly put yourself down and change the things you can and want to change.

I realize we already talked about a lot of these, but it doesn’t hurt to have a reminder. Furthermore, take my list or the full list of the 100 (see link above) to your husband and have him tell you what things he finds most important.

I do like giving practical tips, but I love when I can show these tips in action. I found a story from “What Your Husband Needs” at http://www.marriagemissions.com that I just had to share seeing as it implemented so many of the suggestions from above:

“One of the pastors I respected greatly was E.V. Hill, who served for many years as pastor of Mt. Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Los Angeles. When E.V. first began in the ministry, he was a hard worker who wanted to provide for his wife, but he was also a young preacher who struggled to make enough money just to pay for the necessities.

Pastor Hill’s wife appreciated his efforts to protect and provide for her, even though some months there wasn’t enough money to pay all the bills. One night, he came home and noticed immediately that the house was dark. When he opened the door, he saw that his wife, Jane, had prepared a candlelight dinner. He loved the idea, but when he went to the bathroom to wash up, he flipped the light switch and nothing happened. Then he went to the bedroom and tried the lights. Again… there was nothing. The entire house was dark.

He went back and asked his wife why the lights didn’t work. Jane began to cry and said, “You work so hard, but it’s rough. I didn’t have enough money to pay the electric bill. I didn’t want you to know about it, so I thought we would just eat by candlelight!”

Dr. Hill described this experience with deep emotion: “My wife could have said, “I never had this happen in the home I was raised in.” But she didn’t berate or blame him. Instead she said, “Somehow we’ll get these lights back on, but tonight let’s eat by candlelight.”

Our calling to love and respect is a calling regardless of what the other person does. It’s sacrificial. It’s in the scriptures. It works!”

Wow! I want to be that kind of wife! How about you?

Until tomorrow, stay safe and God bless,
Missy

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