Welcome to day 3 of our 31 Days to Becoming a Better Wife series. I am so glad you are here. If you are joining us for the first time, I have included a very short synopsis of what we covered previously, but I encourage you all to go back and start from the beginning.
On day one, we covered the importance of believing God’s words to be truth. If we and accept and acknowledge the biblical roles God designed, it is much easier to walk in his ways because we know we are walking in the will of God. I don’t know about you all, but I am more inclined to do something I don’t really want to do if I know God is calling me to it and it is pleasing to Him.
On day two we discussed how women were created for men and more specifically, women were created to be helpers to their husbands. I don’t know how I missed that I was created for the purpose of my husband. It is still blowing my mind today. 1 Corinthians 11: 8-9 is running in my head over and over.
1 Corinthians 11:8-9 (NLT): 8 For the first man didn’t come from woman, but the first woman came from man. 9 And man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man.
I never thought about the fact that the first man did not come from a woman, but the first woman actually came from man. I strongly believe there is great significance there that is getting overlooked.
Anyway, as women we are called to help and support our husbands with words and actions, and yesterday I asked us to reflect on things we could do to help our husbands. [If you feel inclined to share, I would love to hear what you all came up with] As I was reflecting, it became apparent to me that I struggle with helping without taking over. I have a tendency to jump in and want my husband to do things my way whether or not he agrees or disagrees. Clearly, I need to find ways to help my husband without leading.
Yep, I went there. I didn’t realize I was going here, but here we are nonetheless. Men are called to lead. Men are called to be the head of our households. I need to not only accept this as fact, but my words and actions need to follow suit. While I have come to accept that my husband is the head of my household, others of you may not be there yet, so let’s take a look at a few scriptures regarding that point:
Ephesians 5: 23 (NLT): 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church.
1 Corinthians 11:3 (NLT): But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
It is clear to me from scripture that my husband is to be the head of my household, but like I said above, knowing that and putting that knowledge into actions is two different things. I know in my head I am supposed to help my husband. I know in my head he is head or the boss of my family. However, I can’t seem to put my money where my mouth is.
If you can’t tell yet, I am big on application. I have found that knowledge is great, but if don’t ever put said knowledge into actions; it will do little to no good. Below is a simple list I came up with to help us step back and allow our husbands to lead more efficiently. Please note that every marriage and relationship is different. What works well in my marriage may not necessarily work for your marriage. Please pray and ask God to guide you as to what is best for your own marriage.
1. Let your husbands have the final say-It is important to have both parties involved in decision-making, especially on the big matters, but we should allow our husbands to have the final say as they are the head of the household, and they are ultimately responsible for the family. Please note that some husbands do not want to be involved in every decision, especially when it comes to the kids or household. I suggest you sit down together and discuss this thoroughly. After all, he may see the fact that you make decisions about the children as a help and would prefer not to be burden with all the decisions.
2. Allow your husband to be the Spiritual Leader in the home-Often times we, including men, feel that teaching children is women’s work; I disagree. While it is the job of both parents to lead their children in the ways of the Lord, ultimately the buck stops with the father, and, therefore, he takes on the greater responsibility. Some ways to incorporate your husband’s spiritual leadership could be to do the following: allow and encourage your husband to be the one to say grace or lead family prayers; have your husband lead a daily or weekly family devotion; have your husband read a bible story to the children and lead a family discussion; or have a Christian family movie night with a discussion at the end led by your husband. Once again, you have to find ways that work for your own family and situation.
3. Do not correct your husband in front of your kids or others-This one seems like a no-brainer, but I think we all fail at this one at one time or another. As we will discuss in the near future, husbands put a lot of value on respect, and the quickest way to shut him down is to disrespect him in front of others. We should be building our husbands up, not tearing them down, so we must be careful with our words. Not only that, but our children need to see our husbands, their fathers, as leaders. If we are constantly “dogging” them or talking bad about them in the front of or to the children, they will not only fail to see them as leaders, but they will lose respect for them.
4. Encourage and Support your husband and his decisions-With the title of Head of Household comes a lot of responsibilities. I have often thought about the heavy responsibilities my husband has and I wonder how he handles the pressures. I know it cannot be easy to have the burden of caring for a family of 5. However, while I often think this I rarely thank him or let him know how much I appreciate him. I think men would be more inclined to lead if they knew their wives would stand by them no matter the outcome of their decisions. I know I would be less inclined to make a decision if I had to worry about hearing the dreaded, “I told you so.” I know it is fitting, but the song “Stand by Your Man” keeps running through my mind right now.
5. Share your thoughts, ideas, and feelings, but don’t force it upon them-I think a lot of women feel that if they allow their men to lead they won’t have a voice, but that is not true. A real God-fearing man will love his wife the way God loves his church and will be able to listen to her ideas. Now, when I say listen, I mean just that, listen. Listen does not mean he has to do what she says; it just means he has to take the time to hear her thoughts and take them into consideration. We must always remember the final decision (and responsibility) is his and we can’t make him do what we want him to do; only God can do that. Our husbands have a Holy Spirit, they don’t need two. If we strongly disagree and we cannot seem to get our husbands to understand or see it our way, we can always take our concern to God in prayer.
5. Pray-Prayer may be the most overlooked power that anyone can have. Often times we view prayer as a last resort instead of starting out with it first. There is nothing greater we can do for our husbands than pray for them. It not only helps them, but it helps us get into the right frame of mind to be better wives. I find myself praying every day for God to help me love my husband they way he needs to be loved. It is working better than I could have ever imagined. God is so good!
The list may seem like just a bunch of self-help garbage to some, but if you want to see a difference in your marriage and your husband, you have to make a conscious effort every day to swallow your pride and make hard choices. Do you want your choices to be about how you feel or do you want to make them based on how God feels? The choice is yours, but, remember, you’re the one who will have to live with the consequences of all your choices.
Lastly, I want to caution you once again on finding what works best your relationship. It is important to understand and recognize each other’s strengths and weaknesses. In some relationships, the wife is more fiscally responsible and both parties agree that she should be in charge of finances. In some relationships, the woman makes more money than a man and it can be hard to keep Godly roles in perspective. However, we must remember that money doesn’t define our marriage roles, God does, and God’s word says men are to be the heads of households. Therefore, a woman who makes more money than her husband still has to fall under the leadership of her husband. Period. End of story.
Until tomorrow, stay safe and God bless,